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Majors and Minors (1895)
First published by Hadley & Hadley, Printers and Binders, Toledo, Ohio
The Made to Order Smile
When a woman looks up at you with a twist about her eyes,
And her brows are half uplifted in a nicely feigned surprise
As you breathe some pretty sentence, though she hates you all the while,
She is very apt to stun you with a made to order smile.
It's a subtle combination of a sneer and a caress,
With a dash of warmth thrown in it to relieve its iciness,
And she greets you when she meets you with that look as if a file
Had been used to fix and fashion out that made to order smile.
I confess that I'm eccentric and am not a woman's man,
For they seem to be constructed on the bunko fakir plan,
And it somehow sets me thinking that her heart is full of guile
When a woman looks up at me with a made to order smile.
Now, all maidens, young and aged, hear the lesson I would teach--
Ye who meet us in the ballroom, ye who meet us at the beach--
Pray consent to try and charm us by some other sort of wile
And relieve us from the burden of that made to order smile.